sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You may now shotgun with the bride
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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