I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
