Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
