Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
third nipple confirmed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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