She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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