she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
