So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
