At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just pee around me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize