its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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