If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
