it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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