its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
