apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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