is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
