someone threw a dead crab at me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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