After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
