Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
