The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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