I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
