So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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