gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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