he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
