We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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