i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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