Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
