I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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