In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
