you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
