careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
