I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
