It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
