everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
