what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
