She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
