summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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