I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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