It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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