hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize