my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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