Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
