We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
