I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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