I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
