i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
