Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
