so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Farmville is her only friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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