I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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