you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
