i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
