Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So much Jack, so little girl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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