Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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