We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
