the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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