I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know her cup size but not her name....
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