Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
