Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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