Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
