youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if only i could text you this smell
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
