she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
