Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
