Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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