my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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