Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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