i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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