I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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