Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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