I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
