I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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