i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
