He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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