Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
