im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
