i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
