You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
