I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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