____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I died a long time ago.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize