The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
