I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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