I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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