New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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