If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize