we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
