dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize