Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
