So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
