if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
