he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she looked like the before picture.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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