Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
