then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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