we have officially lost it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
