Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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