and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
