Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
