my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize